How to Create Healthy Boundaries
“An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses
strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.” ~Harriet Lerner
Setting boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally healthy.
Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-
esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships.
Unhealthy boundaries cause emotional pain that can lead to dependency, depression, anxiety, and even stress-induced
physical illness. A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door to your home unlocked: anyone, including unwelcome
guests, can enter at will. On the other hand, having too rigid boundaries can lead to isolation, like living in a locked-up
castle surrounded by a mote. No one can get in, and you can’t get out.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and
permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside
those limits. (outofthefog.net)
The easiest way to think about a boundary is a property line. We have all seen “No Trespassing” signs, which send a clear
message that if you violate that boundary, there will be a consequence. This type of boundary is easy to picture and
understand because you can see the sign and the border it protects. Personal boundaries can be harder to define
because the lines are invisible, can change, and are unique to each individual.
Personal boundaries, just like the “No Trespassing” sign, define where you end and others begin and are determined by
the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. Personal boundaries help you
decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable.
Why is it important to set boundaries?
• To practice self-care and self-respect
• To communicate your needs in a relationship
• To make time and space for positive interactions
• To set limits in a relationship in a way that is healthy
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries provide a barrier between you and an intruding force, like a Band-Aid protects a wound from
bacteria.
Physical boundaries include your body, sense of personal space, sexual orientation, and privacy. These boundaries are
expressed through clothing, shelter, noise tolerance, verbal instruction, and body language.
An example of physical boundary violation: a close talker. Your immediate and automatic reaction is to step back in
order to reset your personal space. By doing this, you send a non-verbal message that when this person stands so close
you feel an invasion of your personal space. If the person continues to move closer, you might verbally protect your
boundary by telling him/her to stop crowding you.
