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His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley
The purpose of this book is to discover and learn to meet your spouses emotional needs.
The question this book asks is, “What could your spouse do for you that would make you happiest?”
The first step is to identify your spouses top five emotional needs and second, is to become an expert in meeting them.
We need to identify our needs and communicate them with each other and work at becoming an expert in meeting them.
The ten emotional needs that this book talks about are: Admiration Affection Conversation Domestic Support Family Commitment Financial Support Honesty and Openness Physical Attractiveness Recreational Companionship Sexual Fulfillment
Everyone has a love bank and we effect each other emotionally with every encounter, constantly making deposits and withdrawals in our love bank.
Women’s top 2 needs: Affection and conversation Men’s top 2 needs: Sexual fulfillment and recreational companionship
But God knew what he was doing when he created men and women differently, we need to understand our differences and appreciate what we each contribute to the relationship, remembering God made us for each other, to enjoy.
Golden Rule of Marriage : Meet your spouses needs as you would want your spouse to meet yours.
Where do we start? We need to know what our top 5 emotional needs are and we need to communicate them with our spouse, and vice versa, and we both need to commit to work at becoming an expert in meeting each others needs.
Knowledge leads to understanding, Understanding leads to accepting Accepting leads to enjoying.
Our goal and God’s goal for our marriage is that we would enjoy each other and better understand God’s love through the love we experience in our marriage.
When we know our emotional needs and work at meeting them for each other, we will better enjoy each other.
When couples spend scheduled time together almost every day, they have a better chance of maintaining their love for each other. Scheduled time together for undivided attention is necessary for a healthy marriage.
What are ways in light of his busy schedule, that you can plan for time together almost daily?
When you get that time together, here are two good questions to ask each other.
- What did I do to make you feel good today?
- What did I do to make you feel bad today?
We need to know what we did wrong so we can make up for it and what we did right so we can continue doing that.
Your assignment:
- Take the Emotional needs questionnaire and rank your top five emotional needs.
- Share them as a couple and agree to work on meeting each other’s needs.
- Schedule a time to spend together in undivided attention daily/almost daily
