Girl finds columnist
“creepy”
By Benson Clare
I have four words for you: She talked to me. Yes, that’s right Oberlin. The girl with Poseidon
eyes from the Oct. 8 article entitled “Girl Has Poseidon Eyes” actually talked to yours truly. Better than
that, the night of the article’s release, she called me on my cell phone (440.574.9617). The
conversation went as follows:
BC: Hello?
PE: Hello. This is Poseidon Eyes.
(long silence)
BC: H—H—Hello P—P—Poseidon Eyes
PE: So, you wrote an article about me?
BC: Uh, yeah, you see,
I noticed you had those really beautiful eyes, and since I got this new column, I thought it would be
really cute if maybe I wrote this article about you. Y’know, it’s a bold choice and I thought you might
have thought it was funny . . . (pause) . . . I love you.
PE: What did you just say?
BC: I—I—I said, “I love you.”
PE: Are you stalking me or something?
BC: No! No! Not stalking. Just spying, following and — oh, I don’t know — falling in love.
PE: Listen, I think you’re really (here it comes) “creepy,” and I want you to stop.
BC: But Poseidon Eyes . . .
PE: My name is not Poseidon Eyes. It’s—
BC: DON’T SAY IT! I want to keep you just how you are.
And so on. Needless to say, the conversation went over extraordinarily well. I couldn’t in my
wildest dreams have asked for a more auspicious omen from the gods.
However, something she said still lingers in my mind. What does “creepy” mean?
Could she have meant cute in a creepy way? If so, that’s great! I mean, Elijah Wood is “creepy-cute”
with his bugged out eyes and elfin ears; and he was in The Good Son and North. Creepy-cute is
fantastic!
Or perhaps by saying “creepy,” she had just stuttered or used the wrong word. Maybe she
meant to say, “I love you, too, Benson Clare.” Personally, I think this is the more logical (and practical)
solution to Poseidon Eyes’ riddle. In the heat of passion, we often confuse our words. For instance, at
my bar mitzvah I was reading the Torah and instead of saying “Amen,” I shouted, “Praised be Allah” at
the top of my lungs in front of the whole congregation. Boy, what a silly situation that turned into!
Whew!
All in all, the future’s looking pretty bright for me. If everything goes according to plan,
Poseidon Eyes and I might be going steady for the next three to five months. Oh, how sweet that’s
going to be. I know what love is, and this is it.
