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Getting Acquainted with

Ourselves and Others

Edwards, 2006

Adapted from Walker, 2006

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Self-Discovery

The importance of

awareness

“Knowing yourself is

more important than

knowing others.”

Accepting self =

accepting others

Relationships provide

opportunities for

feedback

Being an unknown (in

excess) person to

others can lead to

maladjustment (Sidney

Discussion:

What are ways

people can learn

more about

themselves?

What are the

pros/cons of self-

discovery?

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Self-Disclosure

• Do you know

yourself?

• Why disclose?
• Who do we disclose

to? (College survey)

• 47% to romantic

partner

• 36% to friend
• 14% to family member
• 3% to office mate

(Berscheid et al, 1989)

Importance of it in

relationships:

Defining Yourself

Knowing Yourself

Getting Acquainted

Developing Intimacy

“If you want me to

disclose myself, just

demonstrate your

goodwill—your will to

employ your power for

my good and not for

my destruction”

(Sidney Jourard,

The Johari Window

• Tool for evaluation

of self-awareness

and how others

perceive us

• Size of

windowpane

represents how

much is known to

self or others

• Our Johari Window

may change based

on experiences and

relationships

• Discussion: - Is there an “ideal”

window? Explain.

What can be

learned from

drawing our own

window?

What types of

experiences or

relationships might

change our

window?

Loneliness

Results from having

fewer than desired or

unsatisfactory

relationships

Not the same as being

alone

Life factors (age,

marital/relationship

status) may impact

loneliness

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Discussion:

How can people avoid

loneliness?

What are consequences

of feeling lonely long

term?

Are we “programmed” as

social beings who crave

togetherness?

What Should a Relationship Provide?

We have a strong need for

relationships

Relationships can provide

security

Our early and ongoing

experiences and

relationships can provide us

with expectations for future

relationships

MRT—Mutual Reward

Theory-states “the

relationship between people

is enhanced when there is a

satisfactory balance of

reward between them”

(O'Neil & Chapman, 2008).

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Discussion

What happens when we

rely on others to meet all

our emotional needs?

What are pros/cons of

unhealthy relationships?

What are pros/cons of

healthy relationships?

Perceptual Awareness

• Perceptual

awareness may

prevent

misunderstandings

• Relationship goal:

A mutual

understanding and

acceptance of

others

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Discussion:

What are some ways

to “self-check”

whether or not we’re

perceiving someone

correctly?

People Perception

Perceptions are often

based on past

experiences, biases,

stereotypes, and

prejudices

First impressions are

extremely influential

Our responses to

people are influenced

by our impressions of

them

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Discussion:

What are some potential

consequences of making

an assumption of a new

situation based on a

previous experience?

How can we avoid the

temptation of “judging a

book by it’s cover”?

Developing New Relationships

• It’s important to take

responsibility for

developing new

relationships

• Practice or seek

opportunities to learn

communication and other

social skills to improve

your relationships

Discussion:

What resources are

available in your

community or campus

to improve social skills

or develop new

relationships?

If unfamiliar with any

or just a few, how

could someone go

about finding out

more? What

organizations might be

a good resource?

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