Understanding the Root Causes of Marital Conflicts: A Biblical Perspective, Study notes of Philosophy

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BATTLE YOUR

SELFISH DESIRES

Secrets to a Successful Marriage

James 4:1- 6

1 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? 6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.”

James 4:

What is the source of quarrels and conflicts

among you?

Getting to the Source

James 4:1a: What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?

1. The Source of Conflicts Discovered v.

2. The Sin of Conflicts Displayed v.2- 3

3. The Solution to Conflicts Described v. 4- 6

James 4:1: What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 1 Peter 2:11: Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.

James 4:1: What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? Pleasures: ἡδονή – hēdonē , from which we get hedonism; a desire for personal pleasure Luke 8:14: The seed which fell among the thorns, these are the ones who have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with worries and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to maturity.

James 1:14-15 explains lust

14

But each one is tempted when he is carried

away and enticed by his own lust.

15

Then when

lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and

when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

ALL SIN IS RELATED TO LUST!

Desire becomes

• Controlling desire
• Ruling desire

Desire “changes categories” and becomes lust

The Issue is in the Heart

• Of course, we don’t normally talk like this when we are having selfish desires. We usually use other words: - I “should” have… - I deserve … - I expect that my wife…
• When we speak like this, these words are substitutions for the word lust

Identifying Sinful Desires / Lusts

How do you respond when you don’t get what you want？

Desire vs. Lust Desire for God Desire for “something” When you don’t get what you desire… When you don’t get what you desire…

• You are content
• You believe God knows what is best - You are not content - You are willing to disobey God to get what you want Desire for God Desire for “something”

James 4:2b-3: You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. James 1:17: Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. Luke 11:9, 13: “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. …If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

3. The Solution to Conflicts Described

James 4:4-6: You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.”

2. Recognize the magnitude of God’s grace James 4:5-6: Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us” – can be translated: “the spirit he has made to dwell in us lusts and envies”

Point : We have a heart problem!

James 4:5-6: Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” Or do you think that Scripture says for no reason that the spirit He caused to live in us envies intensely but He gives a greater grace, therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Point : We have a heart problem, but if we humbly

repent, God’s grace is greater than our sin!