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CHAPTER 19 Writing Better Bullet Statements
CHAPTER 19:
Writing Better Bullet Statements
This chapter covers:
- Getting started
- Drafting Accomplishment-Impact Bullet Statements
- Polishing Accomplishment-Impact Bullet Statements
- Bullet Statement Mechanics
Bullet statements are used in many Air Force documents, from the Air Force papers discussed in chapter 16 to the official personnel records of Airmen. While this chapter focuses on writing better bullet statements for use in personnel records, the principles here can be used to improve any written product wherever bullet statements are used.
Performance reports/appraisals (officer, enlisted and civilian), awards and decorations are part of everyone’s permanent personnel records. These records are used by commanders, managers and supervisors to document an individual’s performance over a specific period of time. If you supervise just one person, you play a vital role in his/her career. You provide the opportunities for success and you have the obligation to document employee performance.
Through leadership, mentoring and effective writing, you can ensure the employees you supervise are afforded opportunities for success and increased responsibilities by documenting their success on performance reports/appraisals, awards and decorations. The guidance here is general in nature; you must ensure all performance reports/appraisals, awards and decorations you prepare follow appropriate instructions/regulations and applicable command guidance. Of course, the most important part of documenting performance is getting started.
The Tongue and Quill AFH 33-337, 27 MAY 2015
Getting Started
- Get Organized: Keep records of all the accomplishments, awards, and recommendations for all those you supervise. Create a file folder—paper, electronic or both—for each employee and make regular entries to everyone’s folder. This will drive you to keep in touch with your subordinates and involved in their professional development.
- Know the Format: Most evaluation forms are written using bullet statements. Use the font and point size specified by the governing instruction or software used to produce the report.
- Editing: The Tongue and Quill includes a section on “The Mechanics of Writing” with guidance for grammar, punctuation, abbreviations, capitalization, hyphens and numbers to help you avoid misspelled words, typographical errors and other mistakes that reflect poorly on you and distract officials reading the report.
- Write Effectively: Get the reader’s attention. Positive words and phrases leave a lasting impression with readers. Neutral or negative words and phrases give the impression that the person you are writing about is average or below average.
Drafting Accomplishment-Impact Bullet Statements
The heart of effective writing involves writing effective accomplishment-impact statements. If you are like many supervisors, you’ve likely stared at a blank report and wondered, “How in the world do I even start to write effective bullet statements?” Whether you are in that situation for the first or 100th time, here are some steps that will help you write effective accomplishment- impact bullets.
Step 1: Extract the Facts
The first step is the hardest part of bullet statement writing—getting started! Supervisors often get in trouble early because they do not capture information on their employees regularly or completely. Without a good file of accomplishments for each employee, it is hard to write about what each has accomplished.
Gather the Information
Begin by getting organized and creating a file for each employee. Collect all of the information you can find that is relevant to each accomplishment and file this information in the file you have created for that employee. Capture everything you can—direct information and support that may be remotely related to the accomplishment—on paper or electronically. What looks unimportant today may be a key piece of information later. As you gather information and make annotations, consider the following tips for what to look for and how to mark what you find:
- Isolate the action: Isolate and record the specific action the person performed.
- Annotate the record: Mark the action with a power verb that best describes the action (e.g., repaired, installed, designed, etc.).
- Measure the action: Document related numerical information (number of items fixed, dollars saved, man-hours expended, people served, pages written, etc.).
The Tongue and Quill AFH 33-337, 27 MAY 2015
Action Verbs for the Accomplishment Element
Accomplished Achieved Acquired Acted Activated
Actuated Adapts Adhered Adjusted Administered
Advised Agitated Analyzed Anticipated Applied
Appraised Approved Aroused Arranged Articulated
Assembled Asserted Assessed Assigned Assisted
Assured Attained Attend Authorized Averted
Bolstered Brought Build Calculated Capitalized
Catalyzed Chaired Challenged Clarified Collaborate
Collected Commanded Communicated Compared Compelled
Competed Compiled Completed Composed Comprehend
Computed Conceived Concentrated Conducted Conformed
Confronted Considered Consolidated Consulted Contacted
Continued Contracted Contributed Controlled Cooperate
Coordinated Created Cultivated Delegated Demonstrated
Deterred Developed Devised Displayed Dominated
Drove Elicited Embodied Emerged Emulated
Encouraged Endeavored Energized Enforced Enhanced
Enriched Ensured Escalated Established Exceeded
Excelled Expanded Expedited Exploited Explored
Fabricated Facilitated Focused Forced Formulated
Generated Grasped Helped Honed Identified
Ignited Impassioned Implemented Improved Initiated
Inspired Insured Invigorated Kindled Launched
Maintained Manipulated Motivated Organized Originated
Overcame Oversaw Performed Perpetuated Persevered
Persuaded Planned Practiced Prepared Produced
Projected Promoted Prompted Propagated Propelled
Quantified Rallied Recognized Rectified Refined
Reformed Regenerated Rehabilitated Rejuvenated Renewed
Renovated Reorganized Required Resolved Revived
Sacrificed Scrutinized Sought Solved Sparked
Spearheaded Stimulated Strengthened Strove Supervised
Supported Surpassed Sustained Transformed Utilized
CHAPTER 19 Writing Better Bullet Statements
In some cases, action verbs alone just cannot fully stress the strength or depth of someone’s accomplishment. If you need to give action verbs an added boost, use an adverb to modify the verb. Most adverbs are really easy to pick out … they end with the letters “ly.” Try connecting some of the adverbs listed below to the verbs listed above to get a feel for how the adverb-verb combination can intensify the accomplishment element.
Adverbs for the Accomplishment Element:
Actively Aggressively Anxiously Ardently Articulately
Assertively Avidly Boldly Competitively Compulsively
Creatively Decisively Eagerly Energetically Enterprisingly
Enthusiastically Expeditiously Exuberantly Feverishly Fiercely
Forcefully Frantically Impulsively Incisively Innovatively
Intensely Powerfully Promptly Prosperously Provocatively
Quickly Relentlessly Restlessly Spiritedly Spontaneously
Swiftly Tenaciously Vigorously Vigilant
Now that you get the general idea about how to begin the accomplishment element, let’s look at the rest of this critical part of the bullet statement. Broadly speaking, the accomplishment element contains all the words that describe a single action performed by a person. While this sounds simple, this rule is violated frequently. If two or more actions are combined together in the same bullet, each of the actions is forced to share the strength of that entire statement. So rather than combining two or more actions to strengthen a single bullet, writers must ensure bullets focus on only one accomplishment. Two examples of an accomplishment element are below: one uses simply an action verb; the second uses a modifier (adverb) for added emphasis.
- Processed over 300 records with no errors as part of the 42 ABW MobilityExercise
- Tenaciously processed over 300 records with no errors as part of the 42 ABW Mobility Exercise
In summary, the accomplishment element begins with some form of action (action verb only or a modifier plus action verb) and contains a factual, focused description of one single action or accomplishment. With that established, let’s look at the impact element.
The Impact Element (Impact and Results)
The impact element explains how the person’s actions had an effect on the organization and the level of impact (e.g., work center, unit, wing, Air Force or Department of Defense). However, the scope of the impact should be consistent with the person’s accomplishment. For example, if the accomplishment explains how a person processed a large number of records during a base exercise, the impact should not be stretched to show how the Air Force will save millions of dollars. The impact must be accurate (more on that later); be careful not to stretch the truth when rendering full credit for someone’s accomplishment. For the accomplishment element above, the impact element could be as follows:
- … all wing personnel met their scheduled clock times
CHAPTER 19 Writing Better Bullet Statements
Brevity
Editing for brevity accomplishes two tasks. First, select words that are shortest and clearest, yet most descriptive to the readers. This means that long, confusing words or phrases are replaced with short, clear, common terms. Second, eliminate or reduce unnecessary words. Some of the words that all bullet writers should be looking to eliminate (or at least sharply reduce) are:
- Articles: a, an, the
- Helping verbs: can, could, may, might, must, ought, shall, should, will, would
- Also forms of be , have , and do o Forms of be : be, am, is, are, was, were, been, being o Forms of have : have, has, had, having o Forms of do : do, does, did
- Linking verbs: forms of verbs associated with five senses: look, sound, smell, feel, taste
- Name of the person when their name is printed elsewhere on the document
- Personal pronouns
- Prepositions (use them sparingly): over, under, in, during, within, etc.
Specificity
Specific bullet statements contain detailed facts. To write them, you’ll need to be familiar with the people and systems involved. Resist the urge to estimate or generalize. Don’t be satisfied with a range (10-20 units), or round numbers (approximately $1000; nearly 3500 customers). Get the exact numbers and use them. With the first round of drafting complete your bullets are ready to be polished.
Polishing Accomplishment-Impact Bullet Statements
ABS stands not only for accuracy, brevity and specificity, but also for the critical “attributes of bullet statements.” After the first draft bullets are complete, keep ABS in mind as you prepare to polish your draft statements to clean them up, trim them down and give them the scrubbing they need before they become a permanent part of someone’s official record. Consider the following bullet: how could it be sculpted to support both the accomplishment and the impact?
- Repaired 17 seriously corroded broken or missing Log Periodic (LP) antenna elements in the Atlantic Gateway Antenna System within 3 days by using elements from decommissioned antenna parts saving an estimated $3500 in procurement cost and 4 weeks of expected delivery time
Accuracy
To make the bullet statement accurate you need to ensure the facts are correct. Verify the facts by simply asking a few questions. For this example, a few questions revealed a more detailed picture of the actual accomplishment.
The Tongue and Quill AFH 33-337, 27 MAY 2015
- How many antenna elements were actually repaired? How many were replaced? In this example, 17 elements were salvaged from decommissioned equipment and repaired to replace the seriously damaged and corroded elements; an additional 23 elements were repaired (sanded, repainted or recovered).
- How long does delivery really take and why? Four weeks of delivery time seems like a long time; why does it take so long to receive antenna parts? The antenna elements come from only one vendor and the estimated delivery time is based on the relatively low priority of the work order.
Specificity
The content for this example has a close relationship between accuracy and specificity. Details about your work may be likewise connected. The point is that sculpting your ABS does not require them to be done in A-B-S order. Here, we consider the specificity and will close with brevity. In order to make the facts in the bullet statement as specific as possible, follow the same question and answer method used to guarantee accuracy.
- Exactly how many antennas were fixed? A total of 40 antenna elements were repaired or replaced from all six LP antennas in the system.
- How much cost was actually saved? The exact cost charged to the unit for purchasing the 17 replacement antenna elements would have been $3479.
- How would the cost savings be spent? The $3500 cost savings estimate is based on various antenna elements from an AN/GRA-4(V)4 Log Periodic antenna system that do not need to be purchased due to the repair of elements from decommissionedantennas.
- What is the Atlantic Gateway Antenna System? The Atlantic Gateway Antenna System connects Air Force and other DoD users from the eastern seaboard of the US to military personnel in Western Europe.
- How has the repair of the antennas improved service to their customers? Transmit and receive signal strength was improved; static and cross-talk was reduced.
Revised bullet: With the information gathered we can edit the bullet for accuracy and specificity. While not every item of information could be added, the items that are included (shown in BOLD, below) contribute significantly to the message being sent.
- Restored 40 seriously corroded, broken, or missing elements on 6 AN/GRA-4 Log Periodic Antenna Systems in the Atlantic Gateway Antenna System within 3 days by using elements from decommissioned antenna parts -- Saved an estimated $3.4K in procurement cost and four weeks of expected delivery time -- Sharply improved clarity of voice signal for operators in US and Europe
The added information enabled us to build an additional impact element and sharpen the details of the draft bullet. The bullet has also grown in length: now we need to sculpt for brevity.
The Tongue and Quill AFH 33-337, 27 MAY 2015
Bullet Statement Mechanics
Chapter 16 presented the initial discussion on bullet statement mechanics for the preparation of point papers, talking papers and bullet background papers. The bullets for most evaluations, appraisals, awards and decorations are built in the same way as discussed in chapter 16, but check for specific guidance for the form used by the evaluation, appraisal, award or decoration you are preparing. The guidance that follows reinforces the bullet statement drafting, polishing and formatting of previous discussions with the focus on evaluations, appraisals, awards and decorations. The following outline presents bullet statement mechanics as bullets to give you both written and visual guidance.
Bullet/text format and alignment
- Start main bullets with a single dash ( - )
-- This is a secondary level bullet and it uses two dashes ( -- ) -- Text within a bullet wraps so that the first character of the second and any subsequent lines aligns directly under the first character, not the dash, of the line above
- Indent subordinate bullets so that the first dash of the subordinate bullet aligns directly under the first character, not the dash, of the parent bullet one level above -- This secondary bullet is subordinate to the “indent subordinate bullets” bullet --- This is a tertiary bullet and it uses three dashes ( --- ) --- This tertiary bullet is subordinate to “This secondary bullet” above -- If bullets are divided, there must be at least two subordinate bullets --- The cardinal rule of outlining (chapter 6) states that any topic (or bullet) that is divided must have at least two parts --- Though often violated, the cardinal rule applies to bullets
Punctuation
- Use internal punctuation as required for accomplishment-impact bullet statements
- Never use ending punctuation in accomplishment-impact bullet statements
Grammar
- Always start an accomplishment-impact bullet with action (action verb or modified verb)
- Never start an accomplishment-impact bullet with a proper noun or pronoun
- Minimize the use of the individual’s name in bullets when it is elsewhere on the document
- Avoid using personal pronouns (he, she, his, her, etc.) in accomplishment-impact bullet statements; these devices typically serve to form complete sentences
